Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
