On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
