so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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