We won't sleep together?
my being single is dangerous.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
