I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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