If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
