I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
