My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
