So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
