I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
