I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
