just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
