I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
