You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
