I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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