I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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