i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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