Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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