Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
