i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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