Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
