Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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