found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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