Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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