Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
