And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need a beard to bite.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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