I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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