I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize