remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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