Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Farmville is her only friend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
