she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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