I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
