I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
