if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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