I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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