Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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