Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
