Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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