UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
