You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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