Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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