"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
