Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
