i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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