I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
