You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
