38 yer olds are good kisserssss
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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