She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
