Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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