Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
