Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
