Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
