the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
