If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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