His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I believe in your delicious
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
