i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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