when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
