Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
