i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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