You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
