Do you still have your period?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
