I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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