I heard we made out
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
