its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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