The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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