Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize